Oh, my...it's hard to believe I just wrote that title. It's hard to believe that our sweet girl is no longer here with us. We knew this day would come, but we just didn't think it would happen as soon as it did.
I got home from work on Wednesday October 16th at around 1:00. Typically when I open the door she is there greeting me with her "smile" and heavy breathing. I thought it was a little strange, but just thought maybe she didn't hear me pull in the driveway so started to walk around to the back. And that is when I saw her. She was laying down by the grass, not moving and not in good condition. I ran up to her and instantly knew something was not right. I threw what I had in my hands back in the house and called Jason. I am so thankful he answered. I told him something was wrong with Emma and he needed to come home right away. He said he would find someone to cover his class, get the kids and come home. I called around trying to find a vet clinic that was open during lunch hours, but no such luck. So I called the vet clinic on base and they told me of one that takes emergency patients.
I laid with her, talked to her, cuddled with her, and kept telling her what a sweet girl she is and that she is the best dog we would of ever had. At this point I didn't want to think this was it, but in the back of my mind I knew something was really wrong. Thankfully I talked to my mom and she was able to calm me down and allow me to cry as hard as I wanted for as long as I wanted.
Jason and the kids got home and the kids were just a wreck. They knew that Emma was very sick and could tell she was not doing well. I can't tell you the hurt that was pouring out of them as they saw the only dog they have ever known lay there helplessly at the end of her life. They were sobbing, and being a mom, I was trying to hold it together as best I could, but wasn't doing a good job. Jason put Emma in the car and as hard as it was to sit around waiting to hear the news, we stayed put and watched a movie until we heard from him.
Jason called about an hour later and said that her spleen had ruptured from a massive tumor pressing on it and at this point we need to make the call to do surgery or put her to sleep. So, me and the kids loaded up and headed as fast as we could (during after work traffic) to see Emma and talk about it. When we got there, Emma was sedated and breathing hard. After talking about it we knew we had to do what we could to try to save her and decided to go ahead with the surgery. Seeing Emma being wheeled off will forever stick in my mind. That was the last time I will ever see my girl alive. The vet came out about 15 minutes later and said that there were tumors (mostly cancerous) all within her intestines and other organs and she didn't have a good chance of survival. Jason made the call and the doctor gave her some medicine to put her to sleep. I can't tell you the feeling that came over us when Jason told us she didn't make it. My world fell...how could it be?! She was just fine when we left her that morning?! After some time to cry and hug each other, we (except Jackson-he didn't want to see her) went in the back and gave Emma one last kiss.
Jason was able to take Emma's body so he could bury her out where we live. She loved taking walks in the forest and that is where she always wanted to be.
Five days have pasted since she died and each day it does get a little easier. I am doing better about not crying; I just have this empty feeling inside. It's the little things I see around the house that remind me of her and how much she was a part of our lives. Some funny things I remember about her are: she knew the instant I opened the peanut butter and was at my feet waiting for the crusts, eating all the crumbs on the floor (I have vacuumed much more now!), laying at our feet wherever we may be, barking at the back door because she couldn't stand to be outside without us, laying in the front yard watching over the kids while they play for hours and never running away, checking on the kids at night when she came up to bed, nudging us in the morning while we drink coffee (and sometimes spilling it), telling us she wanted to eat by shaking her head and giving a quick growl, being scared when there was a lightening or thunder storm and wanting to jump into bed with us, loving her stuffed animals, and most of all just being a loving part of our family always wanting to be by our side.
She traveled many miles across the ocean, moved with us to 4 houses, welcomed two babies with us, saw our ups and downs, good days and bad. She will forever hold a special part of our heart and will always be missed as the years go on. One of Jason's co-workers gave him this story which I love and treasure:
A Dog's Purpose (from a 6 year-old)
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a 10 year old dog named, Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker.
I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer.
I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to put him to sleep in their own home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the 6 year old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as tough Shane might learn something from it.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that, I wondered if her knew what was going on.
Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.
The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transtition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."
Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.
He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life---like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The 6 year old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.
Remember, if a dog was the teacher, you would learn things like:
-When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
-Never pass up the oppotunity to go for a joyride.
-Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstacy.
-Take naps.
-Stretch before rising.
-Run, romp, and play daily.
-Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
-Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
-On warm days, drink lots of water and lie under a shade tree.
-When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
-Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
-Stop when you've had enough.
-Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
-If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
-When someone is having a bed day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
-Be always grateful for each new day.
We are so thankful for the 11 years she was a part of our family. Losing her so fast is a good reminder to treasure the time you have with the ones you love, because tomorrow they could be gone...
These pictures were taken 4 days before she died.
